2024-01-31
yeah...i haven't updated this lmao. things have been going pretty alright though, and when i do feel like utter shit it usually subsides too quickly for me to write anything down saying as such -_-
to be honest it's not the most surprising that i don't have anything to say when pretty much everything is the same as the day before except slight changes in the specifics. i'm going to a social event with other kids on my degree in a couple hours so that'll be fun. i also need to check out the music scene here because i've been cooped up in my room too many nights...
until 9pm i guess i'll just be listening to early-to-mid panic and reading about various strands of critical + revolutionary theory.
2024-01-15
so, i'm finally starting to add to this website. i made it just under a week ago but i've been slightly busy since then, in fact things are about to get so much fucking busier with the start of term and yet tonight i've found both the free time and the motivation to finish up making all the pages so far. so, here we are with the first entry.
not much to say, in all honesty. i'm back at uni, ready to survive the hell that is my course. i ... regularly regret my choices, but we're here now. if it becomes too much, then that's only a problem for myself and for everyone i feel i am doing this for (which is a LOT of people ngl). don't get me wrong, i love what i'm learning, but it just feels like the course itself is drying up all the excitement i can get for it (with the occasional exception, such as when we covered the spanish civil war in 20th century world history. not an expert on the topic but hell if i don't get excited thinking about revolutionary politics).
in other news, apparently today is "blue monday" or whatever the hell that's meant to entail. i just looked it up and apparently it's supposed to be the most depressing day of the year, based on some calculations done for a holiday company back in 2005 ... i don't think you need me to tell you why that immediately seems like bullshit. i hate sex day (january 24) is approaching soon anyway, that's a much better day to be depressed.
honestly, having a text journal again is so weird. i kept one DAILY from the 1st jan 2020 all the way until the 29th sept last year (along with photo, audio and video journals at regular intervals). then when i moved to uni for the first time i took advantage of the ability to practice talking in front of a camera. i felt it would be a useful way to build confidence in speaking (not that i needed it too much), and i thought maybe one day the skill would come in useful. but i forgot that other people would be in this building and i felt the need to be quiet so as to not be embarrassing, which also meant that i just stopped doing it as regularly after a month. i last did one like a month ago, and that was back at home when i was practicing guitar chords for h!c. maybe i'll do one again later tonight.
this is different though. my first journal was nowhere near as serious as this, often it'd just be single lines of whatever i could think of in the half a minute it took to make the entry. this i might actually pour a little too much of my heart into. but no matter. right now nothing things feel pretty ok, so i'll take that whilst i can, and try to get some sleep.